By SOME GUY
Friends, fellow travelers, countrymen, I come to praise this deal, not to bury it. The good that men do lives after them, the evil is oft interred with their bones. You don’t recognize this poetic entrée, but that’s because it’s important to ignore history, heritage, and anything that might provide us any sort of inclination or suspicion about this Iran deal.
I’ve studied this deal carefully. I’ve read over it again and again. It was a hard and difficult choice, but I must tell you the truth. This is a good deal. It’s not just good, it provides really, truly, the only possible way to prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons. What’s great about this deal is that it fully ensures Iran will be honest and do everything possible to not develop weapons. How do we know that? Well, Iran has signed this deal. Iran is an honest broker. Iran is a modern, culturally diverse country. It is one of the only democracies, not a perfect democracy of course (but who is), in the region. Iran is an anchor of stability. When I say stability, I mean, really, what other country in the region comes to mind?
Say it with me friends. Stability. Iran. Stability. Iran. Peace. Iran. Stability and peace. Iran. Love, peace and stability. Iran. Peace in our time. Peace for the region. Iran, quite simply is the most important country today in the Middle East; it has immense influence, it broadcasts and extends its culture throughout the region. Today, for instance, photos of Iran’s leaders hang on the officers of those running at least four countries in the region. That means that with the Iran Deal, we get more than a “two-for” it’s more like a four-for. We get Iraq, Syria, Lebanon and Yemen. I call these four countries “ISLY”, let’s call that the added benefit. So for the price of the Iran deal, we get four other countries. What other country in the region controls four other countries? None.
And with the Iran deal we also get what’s called “shia militias.” These are part of the Iranian network of peace legions that help the region. So we get Hezbollah, Hashad el-Shabi, Mahdi army, Kataeb Hezbollah and many others. That’s really a big win, because without these militias, or peace squads, how would Iran be able to spread it’s influence?
Now let’s talk about the truth behind this deal. Without the deal war is inevitable. With the deal there is peace. Without the deal, Iran will become radicalized. Today Iran is a moderate country run by democratically elected moderates who support moderate policies of moderation. They moderate their moderate policies through moderate governance, moderate thinking, moderate Islam, moderate militias, moderate missiles, moderate nuclear programs. Even Iran’s hidden nuclear program is moderate in its extent. For instance the extension at Parchin is moderate compared to many other secret extensions at nuclear sites we don’t know about. There are known unknowns and unknown knowns. And the great thing about Iran is that since they will inspect their own nuclear sites, that saves us the hassle of having to do it. That’s part of the moderate policy of Iran, they are willing to help us guarantee that there will be no nuclear program, for at least a few years.
Now let’s talk about sanctions. If we don’t have this deal the sanctions against Iran will disappear anyway, so this deal seals in fact and makes Iran sign on to something that gives it a stamp of approval for its moderation, while guaranteeing that we get something. What do we get? We get this deal. Iran gets sanctions relief and that means everyone is happy. It’s like the tradition of Cold War diplomacy. Many extremists in America reject diplomacy, in comparison to Iran’s moderates who understand that only through diplomacy can come peace. Diplomacy goes back to the period of Athens and Sparta, Rome and Carthage. Quite simply, those who reject diplomacy, reject history.
Who opposes the deal? Extremists on the right in America and Israel. The whole world supports this deal. Germany, Switzerland, and many other countries, like Russia, China and Pakistan, are lining up to work closely with Iran. It’s important not to be left behind and be isolated. When China, Russia and Switzerland have made up their minds, how can America not realize that it is the odd country out. Smart countries are trading with Iran, and we’ve got to get in there also.
Iran has reasons to be suspicious of us. Often the critics say Iran cannot be trusted, they point to such thing as Iran’s support for “terrorism” or what is actually its resistance strategy. But Iran is the real victim. Iran was a victim of decades of US foreign policy betrayal during the period of the Shah. And rather than America apologizing for that and apologizing for forcing Iran to take Americans hostage, America tried to isolate victim-Iran. Iran was a victim also of someone called Salman Rushdi. His book offended Iran, and where was it published? In the West. Who purchased copies of it? Americans. That was part of the traditional American Islamophobia and intolerance towards Iran, and Iran wanted to show compassion through its fatwa calling for the quick death of Rusdhie. After all, when nations are offended, they must call for the death of those who offended them. Iran has pride and dignity and we must realize our role in hurting that dignity. So when people say Iran cannot be trusted, really it is ourselves who cannot be trusted. We can’t even trust ourselves to sign this deal in good faith, and that’s why only Iran can be trusted to monitor its own nuclear sites.
Now let’s talk about the importance of having Iran’s Revolutionary Guard receive billions from this deal. For those of you not familiar with the Guardians of the Revolution, the peace brigades who spread love and tolerance in the region, it’s important to understand that Iran is playing an important role in helping Bashar Assad resist terrorism in Syria. Most of Syria’s population is terrorists and therefore Iran has aided Assad in removing most of Syria’s population. And that means Iran is actually a key ally against ISIS. Because ISIS is the main threat to the region and only Iran can help defeat ISIS. That means that for every barrel bomb Assad uses, we must see it as a long term benefit of the deal; because we get Iran and we help Assad bring peace to Syria.
We must see a future in which Iran is truly one of the countries that we can look to for inspiration. Iran bans women from volleyball games because it is important to have minor sports like that watched by men. When Iran hangs homosexuals, it is about teaching tolerance, because it shows that all people can be hanged in the same way. When Iran shoots and kills protesters it is about showing that moderate policies can help, after all it would be extreme to kill all the protesters, so Iran in its wisdom kills only a few.
One of the great things about Iran is its policy towards minorities and religions. Iran allows other religions to exist, which is a very open minded and tolerant policy. Iran allows minorities to exist, rather than exterminating them, which shows how Iran is progressive.
We simply cannot ignore this opportunity to work with Iran. It is a beacon of hope in a world of darkness. Only through Iran can all the world’s problems be solved.